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Family Portrait

THE WORLD NEEDS EXTRAORDINARY FAMILIES

YOUR MARRIAGE PROBLEMS ARE JUST  'SYMPTOMS' OF BIGGER 'UPSTREAM' ISSUES... SOLVE THOSE & THE 'SYMPTOMS' DISAPPEAR

[VIDEO #2]

(Turn on the sound below)

(Turn on the sound here) ^^^

(This conversation is continue from a previous page...)

 

So if the 'real problem' lies upstream, what can you do to change it?

Do you force your spouse to make a change?

You look at your spouse and it's SO obvious they have issues that need to be fixed.

Maybe they are mentally ill, depressed, and burned out. Is it part of your duty as their spouse to help them get the help they need?

If so, how do you make this happen?

Maybe these issues have been gradually destroying your marriage and family for years.

Is this a boundary setting issue? If so, how do you set that boundary?

FIRST, you have to look at yourself and ask, "How am I contributing to or 'triggering' their issues?"

Do I keep 'flicking' the thorn in their flesh? 

What if I were 10x better at:

 

  • listening

  • coaching

  • bringing the joy

  • being diplomatic

  • influencing

  • asking questions instead of making declarative statements

  • helping out around the house

  • organizing

  • running the business

  • taking care of myself...

Would that make a difference?

 

Yes, yes, and yes! And yes!

This is a principle we call 'bringing the tide'.

Image by Elizabeth Jamieson

When the tide comes it in lifts all boats.

You can become the tide.

Let's say that your marriage is an equation.

Each number represents you and all of your capabilities, characteristics, qualities, competencies, etc...

YOUR SPOUSE

+

2

YOU

2

YOUR MARRIAGE

=

4

If EITHER party of the marriage can improve their individual number, then it AUTOMATICALLY improves the overall marriage
 

That's what it means to 'bring the tide' in your marriage.

YOUR SPOUSE

+

2

YOU

22

YOUR MARRIAGE

=

24

And when YOU bring the tide it makes it WAY easier for your spouse to bring 'their' tide.

(We didn't talk about this in this video, but there's another cool thing about this that starts to happen in a synergistic way... so instead of 2+2 equaling 4... things get exponentially better -- 20+22 starts to equal 80 or 124.)

"But wait," I can hear you saying...

"Does that mean I have to do all the work?

 

What about my spouse? Don't they have to do anything?"

Of course they do.

But are you just going to wait around for them to change?

What results is that likely to get you?

(How about a whole lot more suffering and eventually a divorce?)

If you're okay with that, then keep doing what you're doing and you'll soon get what's comin'.

If you're not okay with where that leads, then it's up to YOU to do something different.

And the amazing thing that happens when you take responsibility is that you become more valuable (like the example above, you're a 22 instead of a 2).

And people (including spouse) value things that are more valuable.

Increase your value and you become more valued.

All of us come into marriage bringing 'stuff'.

We all have our issues.

You or your spouse may have brought some stuff that's pretty painful.

Depression. Anxiety. Food addictions. Sex addictions (or an indifference or resistance to sex). 

Maybe you or your spouse have money issues, are disorganized and chaotic, never have fun or are 'numb', or have a bad relationship with your parents or your in-laws.

There are a lot of legitimately difficult circumstances you may be dealing with that are 'lowering your number' and adding stress to your marriage.

And while you can't force your spouse to change....

You CAN draw a line and establish some boundaries as to what you will or will not put up with (while you're working on 'bringing the tide'.)

It can be scary. 

It might lead to a 'breaking point'.

But if done correctly, that breaking point can be come a 'pivot point' of positive change.

If you want to know more about HOW that's done, click here to keep reading...

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